it seemed that he was always jumping through hoops for others instead

I'm feeling kind of crappy today. My mind is dull and I'm really tired. This feels just like when I was holed up writing in my hotel room in Laos last year so I guess I'll push on...I wish Patti was here so I could whine.

I was relaying my concerns to a friend the other night about how to get my artwork to be more authentic. She said that in the corporate world, a very common exercise is to have people write their obituary as a way to help establish goals.



She said: "What will people remember about you when you're gone?" I realize that this is not what I am after at all. It's more like right before I go, will I feel satisfied with how my life was spent...In my heart I really couldn't care less about what others will think when I go. It's before I go that I have that problem.

Obviously there is a major paradox here. On any given day it seems that all I care about is making an impression and on the other, I don't give a rat's ass about it. I've said it before: "I am cursed with a mercurial nature, I cant help it...The best I can do is to try and reconcile my beliefs through my actions.

LOL...

Be that as it may, If I did my assignment as I was instructed, I assume that my obituary might read a little something like this: Livingston was a fairly decent fellow. He had a pretty good aptitude for writing, making beautiful things and he wrote a few good songs. He had a great talent for finding interesting friends. His wife once compared him to Forrest Gump because of how he was always innocuously befriending the most amazing characters. Rather than being compelled to refine his own work for himself, it seemed that he was always jumping through hoops for others instead. He is survived by his wife, step daughter, a cat, a few very close friends and hundreds of acquaintances all around the world, three pecan trees, two live oaks and a few fish in his pond...Oh yes, and he played one hell of a raucous kazoo.

Wow, reading that obit makes me pretty sure that although it was not his intention, that Jeff has given me one hell of an inferiority complex about myself... Fuck that shit! It's time to move on and get with the program. That's NOT what he meant. Move along son.




I had a great time in Asia last year chasing down information on spirit houses because I was on top of my game. I was encouraged by my pursuit of new ideas and clues in talking with anyone that might lead to more clues that finally paid off as a big spontaneous jackpot, like for example an interpreted interview in Goey, the language of elephants as spoken by the world's oldest and most legendary mahout or elephant hunter/trainer. This was fucking great! It's time to feel that way again, timeto embrace a reckless abandon for my favorite thing...pursuit.

My latest song "Flemming Prarie" says it all:

I want me some immediate gratification
If I don't get me some soon
I'm gonna take myself another long vacation

It's been day in & day out
as I gaze in and daze out

She was a searching vine
married to the king
I once saw her reach for heaven
through the way that she looks at things

Hop up on that tuna fish can
I'll bet you can see a hundred miles
across that dried up Coletto creek bed
that's cracked into a million tiles

She got me to look
She got me to look a little
She got me to look a little bit deeper inside

I'm hungry for a midnight snack
one that'll chase that monkey off my back
I'm still looking to turn a cheap trick
and still hoping that I'll get rich quick

But she got me to look
She got me to look a little
She got me to look a little bit deeper inside

Flemming Prarie grass still does a hula dance in that south Texas breeze so fine
I'm here to tell you that Madeline O'Connor, she was a friend of mine

She got me to look
she got me to look a little
she got me to look a little bit deeper inside

deeper
deeper
deeper


It feels good to tell the truth.



I met a nice fellow named Bruce Feiler over the Christmas holidays. I went out to his place in Brooklyn to visit with him and his family about making them a sculpture. He's a New York Times #1 best selling author and he was kind enough to ask me about my Spirit house safari blog and book idea. Then he asked me if I had written a book proposal yet..I had to ask him what that was...

A book proposal is a great thing. It helps you to further understand why and what the hell it is that you are trying to write about and identify who it is that you are writing for and then why you are the best person for the job.

This stuff sure is coming up a lot these days...Which suddenly reminds me of a time a few years ago when quite a powerful mystic transfered a lot of energy to me. I felt very high from it, and consequently, even though did this without my consent, I felt grateful and asked him what I could do for him in return. He thought for a minute and said "Just be Ben"... I crashed and burned a few hours later, but I have never forgotten him saying that to me. That was the real gift. And simple as it may sound, there is a life's work in fulfilling the true profundity of that request.




HEY, THAT'S NOT ME!